Recovery Tip: I like to used stamped spoons sometimes. I bought some off of Etsy and you’d be surprised how motivating it is getting to use a cute little spoon that says “love yourself” or “your eating disorder Is lying to you.” It just makes recovery and the whole situation of eating a little brighter.
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of this concept but my Mom talks about it sometimes. In a day we have ten spoons, something like doing your homework, making a blog post, or cleaning your room would take a spoon. Maybe for the average person going to the store would take one spoon. At the beginning of the day we can chose to use our spoons however we’d like. For someone in recovery however, the simple things seem to take more spoons than the average person. I can not tell you how exhausting recovery is in the first year or two. I don’t even only mean emotionally.
Sometimes I miss being sick. I know that sounds stupid and ignorant but sometimes I do miss being sick. And in my mind still being sick and me still being in recovery I think about these things often. Honestly in the past few weeks I’ve been having a really hard time with recovery. That is why I didn’t post much in the past week. I feel like I have relapsed a stupid amount of time and you would think I would get it by now but they keep coming. The waves of anxiety and fear around food keep coming. It seems like everytime I catch a break it always comes back.
You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs. But people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe better things.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Alexis, this is a recovery blog, why are you talking about traveling.” We will get there. On vacations there are things that are great to bring and things that aren’t so awesome. For instance, think about a 62 oz bottle of conditioner. Airports sure as hell won’t let you bring that onto the plane, it weighs down your bag, and its just plain unnecessary. 62 oz bottles of conditioner don’t travel well. We have a life that is full of adventures and traveling. I don’t just mean the kind of traveling that has to do with vacations.
Growing up I was not living in a stable enviornment and was not being parented. My Dad was an alcoholic and my Birth Mom was Anorexic herself and suffered from Schizophrenia. This resulted in a lot of moving around and a lot of me comparing myself to my birth mom. I was probably around the age of seven when it clicked in my brain that if I eat less, I will weigh less or so I thought.
When I was eight my birth mom went into a psychosis and my brother and I got taken away from her. My Dad found out and quick drinking cold turkey to take care of my brother and I. To this day my Dad is my best friend. I never used any behaviors or anything until I was eleven. I decided one day I would put my knowledge to the test. I had eaten what had felt like “too much” pizza and decided I would get rid of it. I purged for the first time and it felt good. I had always been a little chubby but I didn’t hate it until I found out I was suppose to.
Thanks for joining me! My name is Alexis and I am eighteen years old. This is my recovery journey from a seven year long battle with an eating disorder. I hope to not only share my story but also raise awareness and create a safe space for people to come as they are. Everyones story will be different and comparing is the enemy. This is my story and mine alone. Hope you enjoy 🙂
“The night is sharp and jagged, It does not last. Never doubt, the morning always comes.”